


In the aftermath of death

by Windfighter



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: M/M, Sorry Emil, Whumptober 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 16:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16579721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: Emil is dead. Lalli and Reynir is dealing with it their own ways, but they should be dealing with it together.





	In the aftermath of death

**Author's Note:**

> So the prompt for this story was "bruises" but eh... stuff happened? Haha, enjoy!

Lalli was good at his job. That's why he was constantly offered promotions. Emil had laughed and told him to accept it already, but he liked his current job. He liked working alone, running on the forest-trails around Mora and reporting any activity he noticed. It was different from Finland, less wet, and he ran across less Sjödraugs here. That's why they had stayed, after...

Lalli shook his head, looked at Reynir. He was talking at him. A lot like Emil used to do, but with a more cheerful voice. Lalli could understand it, Reynir had learnt Norwegian and Lalli had learnt Swedish. Emil hadn't managed neither Icelandic nor Finnish, but it didn't matter now. Lalli tilted his head. Reynir's voice was less cheerful than usual. He was looking at papers with numbers on them and scratching his head.

”I know you don't want to get that promotion, but it would really help”, Reynir muttered.

Lalli decided to ignore him, that's what he did best.

”I don't want to pressure you into doing something you don't want, but...”

Reynir fiddled with the pen, scratched his head. His fingers reached the braid and his face grew sadder. Emil used to fix that for him, he had enjoyed brushing Reynir's hair and trying out different types of braids. Lalli looked away.

”We're going to have to find a new place to live”, Reynir continued.

”Might be for the best”, Lalli said and left the table.

There would be less memories in a new place, less influences left from Emil. He expected Reynir to follow him, but Reynir stayed at the table. Lalli grabbed his coat. If they needed more money he could take an extra shift at work.

 

Reynir was smelling like farm animals and booze again. Lalli wrinkled his nose. He should stop, say something. Instead he walked right past him into the bedroom. Emil would have known what to say. Emil would have been able to say something. But Emil wasn't here. Lalli stared at the bed, then turned around and walked out again. They could probably find something for him to do at work.

 

Lalli was on his sixth shift in a row at work. They had protested, but he was good at his job and they knew it.They needed him. Reynir had started looking at new places to live, constantly asking about Lalli's opinions. Thinking about leaving the house the three of them had shared for so long sent stabs of pain through his stomach. He didn't want to move, it was their house, but he was almost never in it anyway. Too many memories, too many fresh wounds. He couldn't do like Reynir, couldn't drink his pain away.

He turned left, followed the trail. Another scout had reported activity but had failed at giving details so Lalli had been ordered there. That wouldn't have happened in Finland. He remembered one of his first reports. _We're not allowed to make mistakes_. Ensi's mistake still hung over him, worse than ever. He had been the one who failed to notice the giant that attacked the cleansers. Reynir didn't fault him for it, even though he should.

He turned right at another trail. He was starting to hear sounds. The rifle on his back gave him a feeling of security, but he rarely used it. Knives were better. His hand rested ontop of his puukko, ready to unsheet it if he should need it. The sounds were growing louder as he moved down the trail. The ghostly voices that echoed in his head were getting stronger as well, but he ignored them.

_PlEaSe. PlEAsE hElp Me. So ColD HuNger, We hUNgEr._

Lalli kept moving, he could see two trolls huddled close to a shed. They seemed stuck, tendrils tied them to te walls, but Lalli knew they would tear away if a reason presented itself. He'd have to go around. He left the trail, sneaked over the moss and through the bluberry plants. He had followed Emil outside to pick blueberries once. A stab in his stomach distracted him and he stopped, blinked. Pressed his hands against his eyes. He was working, there wasn't time to cry. He took a deep breath then let his hands down again. Focus on work, he told himself. He could do that, it was the only thing he could do. So he kept moving.

He found a couple of deer beasts by the stream. They didn't notice him. A group of uninfected deers stood huddled under a cliff. He looked away. He could hear something behind him and he stopped, climbed up in a tree. Was it following him? It came closer, passed under him. Just a small troll. It digged in the ground, ate something it found there and then noticed the deers. It hunted them for a while, but failed at catching them. Lalli moved in the other direction, kept listening to the troll as it ran around Lalli.

Something large smashed into his back. He flew into the closest tree. Pain surged through his body, he could hear the two trolls by the shed starting to move. He had to get away, reassess the situation. He grabbed the lowest hanging branch, pulled himself up. The troll smashed its face into the tree and collapsed. Lalli jumped back down, landed on the trolls back and ran. The troll's legs twitched, tripped him. His arm hit a rock as he landed. He gritted his teeth, pushed himself up again. The troll stuggled to break free and Lalli grabbed his puukko, freed it of is struggle in one swift motion.

Stillness, Lalli sank down on the ground. Exhaustion caught up with him. He laid down on his back and closed his eyes. The small troll was still running around, completely uninterested in his presence. He listened to it, was almost drifting off. He knew he should get up, take care of the troll and return back and report what he had seen. But he was so tired. His chest and the left side of the face was throbbing after the impact with the tree. He'd get bruises for sure. The wind danced across his body. It almost felt like being in the dreamworld, except less wet.

”Lalli?”

He opened his eyes. Another of the scouts looked at him and he blinked, forced himself to sit up.

”I know you're good at your job, but you probably shouldn't sleep out here.”

”mf.”

He got up on his feet. The scout kept looking at him as he stretched.

”How are you dealing with everything? You've seemed glum.”

Lalli froze.

”I'd suggest a grief counselor but I know you don't want one.”

Lalli shook his head, stared at the scout. The scout laughed.

”I'll follow you back. You should get some rest, the rest of the scouts can handle a couple days without you.”

Lalli started walking. The scout followed him. They walked through the blueberries to stay away from the shed.

”I love blueberries”, the scout said. ”I went blueberry picking once, made a cake from them when I got back home. Tried to at least. I was never very good at baking.”

Lalli glanced at the scout. They were talking so much. Most scouts were quiet by nature, and Lalli had seen this scout before. They hadn't spoken a word.

”Are there _any_ berries you like?”

The way they talked demanded Lalli's attention, but he yawned, shrugged.

”Strawberries are my favorite though. Strawberry cakes are the best. But then, I've always liked cakes.”

Lalli stumbled over his own feet. The scout caught him, helped steady him. Lalli pulled away. They reached the trail, followed it. The scout was still talking, Lalli barely listened. His eyes were heavy and he just wanted to lay down and sleep. Why did it caught up to him so suddenly?

The scout had stopped talking, stopped walking. Lalli tensed up again. There were sounds. Not forest-sounds, bad sounds. The voices in his head had stopped. Then the scout grabbed him, pulled him closer and stepped forward. Lalli turned around. The small troll was rushing towards them, jumped, attacked. Lalli reached for his puukko but his movements were slow. He tried to call a warning, but before the words had formed in his mouth the troll was over him, he was flat on his back on the ground. The scout held the troll back but the claws were so close to Lalli, trying to tear at his clothes. Lalli breathed quickly, made a new attempt to get his knife, but his fingers slipped. When he finally got it the troll was already dead. Slained by the other scout.

”I never was as nimble as you when killing them”, the scout muttered.

”Th-... Thanks.”

”Hah, never thought I'd hear you say that again!”

Again? Lalli decided to ignore it. He looked at the troll. Dead. The scout hit his arm. A slight jolt of pain shoot up from it. The scout must have hit the bruise from the rock.

”Pretty good right? Come on, we better get back already.”

They ran the last bit. Lalli glanced at the scout. They seemed amazed with how fast and easy they were moving across the trails. They stopped at the decontamination-area, Lalli reported what he had seen. The other scout stuck close to him the whole time.

”You're going home now, right? You take care.”

Lalli nodded, started walking.

”Oh, and Lalli. Forgive yourself already, everyone else has. Even Reynir. He loves you.”

”...How do you know Reynir?”

”Haha, you know how much Emil loves to talk. Anyway, I have to go.”

The scout raised their hand, ran down the street. Lalli tilted his head and turned towards his own house. _Reynir loves you._ Lalli looked at his hands. If it hadn't been for the other scout he'd have been dead. _Forgive yourself already._ He pulled his fingers through his hair. It had been so close, he almost went to Tuonela. Again. His hands were shaking. He didn't deserve forgivness.

 

Lalli stopped in the hallway. Pulled off his shoes, hung up his coat. His fingers brushed against Emil's coat. Neither of them had had the strenght to clear Emil's stuff out. In a way both of them were still waiting for him to come back home. He took a shaky breath, went inside. Reynir was sittig leaned over the kitchen table, face hidden in his arms. He was crying. There had been a lot of crying lately. Lalli didn't know how to cry.

”Reynir...”

He walked up to Reynir, pulled his fingers through Reynir's hair, like he had watched Emil do so often. Reynir held his breath, sniffled and looked at Lalli. Lalli sat down as well, leaned his forehead against Reynir's shoulder.

”Reynir, I'm... I'm sorry.”

He didn't know how to cry, but his eyes were getting wetter. He felt Reynir move, sit up and embrace him. He pressed his face against Reynir's shoulder, grabbed the back of Reynir's shirt.

”I'm sorry”, he muttered again. ”Can you forgive me?”

”Lalli”, Reynir whispered and pulled him into his lap. ”There is nothing to forgive.”

”I killed him.”

Lalli's hands gripped the fabric so tightly his fingers were starting to hurt. Reynir's shoulder were getting wet. Reynir kissed his head. Caressed his cheek with his hand. Reynir's tears hit his hair. Lalli didn't know how to cry. He pressed closer to Reynir.

”You didn't kill him, it was an accident. I'm sure he knows that. He loved you.”

”Us”, Lalli's voice was barely audible. ”He loved _us_.”

”He did.”

Reynir hugged Lalli tighter and Lalli cried.

 

Lalli woke up in the bed. He hadn't slept in it since that faithful day. He laid still, listened to his own heartbeat. He must have fallen asleep. Reynir must have carried him to the bed. He rolled over to his side. Reynir was there, his eyes red and his cheeks wet.

”I love you”, Reynir whispered. ”I thought I was going to lose you too.”

”You almost did”, Lalli remembered the troll. ”I'm going to accept the promotion.”

”Are you sure?”

Lalli nodded, rolled up next to Reynir. Reynir stroke his cheek and Lalli winced. Worry danced over Reynir's face.

”Are you hurt?”

”I met a troll. It's okay, one of the scouts saved me.”

_Reynir loves you._

”I love you”, Lalli whisperes.

His voice was uncertain, not used to saying it. He hadn't said it to neither of them before, hadn't said it to anyone. It felt weird. Reynir placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

”I love you too.”

”I know”, Lalli placed his head on Reynir's shoulder and closed his eyes again. Reynir draped the blanket over them.

_Reynir loves you._

_How do you know Reynir?_

_You know how much Emil loves to talk._

Lalli knew how much Emil loved to talk. He knew Emil would never talk about his private life with his workmates. How did the scout know about Reynir?

 

Five hundred meters from Lalli and Reynir's apartment the scout woke up with no memory of the day and in Asgard Emil waved goodbye to Heimdallr and started his walk back to Valhalla.

 


End file.
